Widow honours late husband with light on Light up a Life Tree

This Christmas, Tracey Thurlby-McDevitt will be remembering her late husband Dom in the Treetops annual Light up a Life appeal.

Each year, hundreds of people remember their loved ones with a light.

Dom, 44, died in February from cancer. The couple were told Dom had only six months left to live on the anniversary of their first date. Tracey explained more:

“We just enjoyed the simple things. We could talk for hours about anything and everything. There were a lot of late-night chats over a bottle of gin at the kitchen table with snacks, putting the world to rights.”

Dom’s diagnosis was completely unexpected

“One day, he had a seizure at home out of the blue. We rushed him into hospital, and they did scans and tests. They found a mass in his sinus. Because the cancer was so far advanced, surgery wasn’t an option.

“It was such a shock. You look back and think, surely, we saw something? He was a fit, 43-year-old. But there was nothing at all.”

The day after receiving his diagnosis, Dom proposed to Tracey

You can plan a wedding in five weeks. But we were also planning a funeral at the same time. It felt bizarre and it was hard. But that was our life.

Dom and Tracey were married at Derby Registry Office five weeks later.

“It was Dom’s choice, but we did delay chemotherapy by a couple of weeks so that we could get married and have a bit of a little bit of honeymoon.”

We’d been married ten days and then chemo started

“So, we’d been married about ten days and then chemo started. it was awful to see him go through that. When you want to help, but you can’t.”

The couple were determined to make the most of their last six months together.

“We made those last six months about what Dom wanted. I thought, ‘we’ve not got long to do this, so let’s make this all about you’. What’s on your bucket list? What do you want to do? Let’s give you a damn good six months.

“I also wanted to celebrate the firsts as a married couple. The first birthday with him as my husband and things like that. But he would easily turn this around to, ‘but this is my last birthday’.

Our first married Christmas was our last

“Our first married Christmas, we knew was going to be our last. Our plan was to go to Skegness. We were going to take the dog, a picnic, and just go for a walk on the beach. I just wanted to make this a really special memory.

But we couldn’t go because Dom got sick. So, Christmas was at home, watching telly. But that was fine because we were together.

Tracey’s dog, a basset hound called Archie, provided support for Dom.

“I’d had him since he was a pup, so Archie was my little shadow, but when I first met Dom, he really took to him. He became Dom’s little support dog.

“Archie was a massive comfort to him when he was ill. When Dom came home after chemo, he would lie on the sofa and Archie would just be curled up on the sofa next to him, tucked up in his knees, like a hug.”

Dom wanted to die at home and Tracey cared for him

“About six weeks before Dom passed, he could no longer manage the stairs. We needed a bed downstairs and cleared out the living room. We tried a couple of nights where I went upstairs to our bed because he knew how shattered I was, but I couldn’t rest.

So, after just a couple of nights, I was sleeping downstairs on cushions off the sofa, wrapped up in a duvet. I spent about six weeks on the floor next to him.

“Archie would curl up on the floor by his head. Dom would hang his arm down so they could touch each other. Archie just wanted to be near him.

Treetops nursing care and support

“I couldn’t leave him on his own. I couldn’t leave the house. It got to a stage where he was going down and I thought, I need help here. This is more than what I can do.”

Treetops Hospice nurses helped care for Dom during his last three nights. They provided the couple with ‘comfort and peace at a time when I was terrified’, Tracey continued.

One of my worries for months had been doing it all on my own, especially towards the end. With the Treetops Hospice nurses, I wasn’t on my own. They were just on the end of the phone. It was so reassuring

It was the first night I’d been in our bed for six weeks

“That first night with the nurse there, I was able to go to bed. It was the first night I’d been in our bed for six weeks. I was knackered. After a proper sleep, I felt I could take on the world.

“Dom thought the Treetops nurse was lovely too. It helped him, because it helped me. It gave him a bit of peace as he could see it was taking a lot out of me. He was reassured that I could get the rest that I needed.

There were times when I was Dom’s nurse and his carer. But for those few nights, Dom needed a wife, and I could be his wife again. That was a really big thing.

Dom died peacefully at home with Tracey and Archie by his side

“We were all in the front room. Just us and some candles. Dom was asleep and I was just sat there holding his hand and talking to him. Archie was asleep on the sofa, snoring away.

“The moment that Dom passed away, Archie immediately woke up, jumped on his bed, and was pawing at his hand, nudging his hand.

It was exactly what he and I needed. It was calm, it was peaceful, it was at home, and he was pain-free.

Treetops Light up a Life appeal

Tracey is sharing her story for the Treetops Light up a Life appeal, as part of Dom’s ‘legacy’:

Dom was very adamant he didn’t want to be forgotten. I think he’d be proud of me doing this. Hopefully, it will have a long-lasting impact for Treetops, and other people that are going to need the hospice in the future.

Proceeds raised through the Treetops Light up a Life appeal go towards helping the end-of-life charity to care for patients and families in the local community.

A special Light up a Life Event will take place at the hospice in Risley on Sunday 8 December. During the event, the Treetops Hospice Christmas lights will be switched on and there will be a moment of quiet reflection to remember loved ones.