How Treetops is transforming support for local bereaved children

With more than 46,000 children in the UK estimated to be bereaved of a parent each year, and support services under growing pressure, understanding how children grieve has never been more important.

Treetops Hospice offers free children’s counselling and emotional support for children suffering from bereavement or traumatic bereavement. The service is available for bereaved children and young people who are either users of Treetops’ services or registered with a GP practice in Derby city, southern Derbyshire or Erewash.

Last year, the bereavement counselling team at Treetops provided more than 5,000 hours of sessions – including over 1,500 for children and young people.

Jules Kirk, Therapeutic Services Manager at Treetops, sees firsthand how children navigate loss on a daily basis, and she describes how this is often in ways that look very different from adults, so it’s important to know how to support them in ways that reflect their unique needs.

Jules explains: “Children often experience grief differently from adults. Their emotions can be more fluid and changeable: one moment they may be inconsolable and shortly afterwards they may want to play, chat with friends or return to familiar activities.

“These intense pockets of grief can feel all‑consuming while they last, drawing the child fully into their sadness. Yet just as quickly, they may reorient themselves to the world around them.

“This oscillation is not a sign of avoidance or indifference. It is an important and healthy way for children to cope with loss, giving them space both to feel their grief and to continue engaging with everyday life. Over time, this process helps them adapt to the profound changes that follow a death.

“A key part of this adaptation is the child’s ability to invest in a future without the person who has died, while still maintaining a meaningful connection with them. This is known as the continuing bonds model of grief.

“The term continuing bonds reflects a more contemporary understanding of relationships and attachment. It recognises that death does not end a relationship; rather, the relationship changes form. The bond may continue in a transformed way, sustained through memories, emotions, and actions that keep the person present in the child’s ongoing life story.”

Examples of continuing bonds include:

• Sharing stories and memories of the person who has died
• Keeping possessions that belonged to them
• Displaying photographs as a source of comfort and connection
• Doing activities the person would have enjoyed, especially on meaningful dates
• Creating acts of remembrance, such as altruistic gestures or personal memorials
• Including the deceased in special occasions, for example by mentioning them at a wedding or leaving an empty chair at a holiday meal

Jules continues: “Bereaved children often need additional support to navigate these experiences. This can feel especially challenging when the adults around them are grieving too.”

To help with this, Treetops Hospice created a free-of-charge resource booklet, ‘Supporting a child when someone they love has died’, also affectionately known as the Little Gem booklet. It is designed to guide adults in supporting the child in their care, while also offering dedicated resources that can be shared directly with the child.

The children’s section of the book includes practical tools such as tips for coping with grief, guidance on creating a self‑care kit, and a communication checklist to help them express what they would find helpful or unhelpful during their personal grieving process.