“Dad wanted to be in his own environment”
Steve was the centre of family life for his daughters, Amy and Becky and his wife, Maria. When he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the family were left trying to come to terms with what it meant and what lay ahead. Sadly, they were later told that Steve’s condition was terminal.
Steve’s health deteriorated rapidly and just four weeks after his diagnosis, the family found themselves preparing to say goodbye. During those final days, our Hospice at Home nurses helped Steve remain where he wanted to be most: at home with the people he loved.
Becky remembers hearing about Treetops through her dad’s care team. She said: “The care team mentioned Treetops because they knew he wanted to be at home.
“Until the last week or so, we were coping and taking it in turns to stay with Dad, but towards the end we were quite exhausted.
“When Treetops came, it was such a relief. Just having someone there who we knew could give him medication if he needed it and also to give us a bit of a break for a moment.”
Steve and Maria had been married for almost 45 years. Together they raised twin daughters, Amy and Becky and built a close-knit family that remains incredibly close today.
The sisters, who share a love of singing and amateur dramatics, describe their dad as “funny, young at heart, caring and thoughtful”.
Becky said: “Dad would talk to anyone as if he knew them. I would always have to explain to people that no, he didn’t actually know them, but he’d chat away as if they’d been friends for years.”
He was also a devoted grandad who was determined to stay ‘down with the kids’. Whether it was trying out the latest gadgets, buying new cameras and bikes or even getting his own Nintendo Switch so he could play alongside his grandchildren – Bella, Harry, Grace and Archie. Steve embraced every opportunity to stay connected with them.
Some of the grandchildren’s happiest memories are of family trips to Blackpool with their grandad, filled with laughter, fun and special moments together.
His family affectionately remember his quirky habits too.
Amy laughed: “He was known as the human sat nav. He could remember every route and every turn in such detail. He’d text us long sets of directions and we’d say, ‘Dad, we can’t exactly read that while we’re driving!’”
As Steve became more unwell, his greatest concern remained his wife, Maria, who lives with rheumatoid arthritis and uses a wheelchair.
Becky explained: “Right until the end, Dad was always worried about Mum.
“He didn’t want to be in hospital because he wanted to be with Mum and support her. He was very clear that he didn’t want to die in hospital. He said ‘I want to be at home with Maria’.”
Amy added: “It was also important for him to be in his own environment.”
Determined to honour his wishes, Amy and Becky reorganised their work and family commitments so that Steve was never alone. Alongside them, Becky’s husband Ric played a vital role, helping to ensure Steve received the care, comfort and support he needed throughout his illness.
In Steve’s final nights, our Hospice at Home nurses stepped in to provide care and reassurance for the whole family.
Amy said: “They offered us such important support and as experts, reassured us that we were doing things right in our own care for Dad.”
Music remained a source of comfort until the very end. Amy and Becky spent time singing to their dad the day before he died, something that reflected the special bond they had always shared and how much he loved their singing.
In the months following Steve’s death, Becky and Amy accessed bereavement counselling through Treetops.
They both found their counselling useful for opening up and setting some time aside for themselves. Amy, who worked with one of our counsellors, found the support particularly transformational.
“I had a lot going on in my personal life as well as my bereavement, so it was a build-up of things,” she said.
“My counsellor gave me some techniques for coping with my grief and helped me understand what to do when things felt overwhelming.
“Quite often we’d walk around the grounds together during our session, which was lovely.”
The sessions also encouraged Amy to reconnect with singing, something that had always been important to her wellbeing.
“In my last session, we went out into the field at Treetops and sang together. We just sat and sang into nature, it was lovely.
“One thing the counselling encouraged me to do was get back into my hobbies. Singing together helped me get my confidence back and since then I’ve done open mic nights and I’m also thinking about joining a choir.”
Inspired by the support they received, Amy and Becky have looked for ways to give back to Treetops and have since volunteered their talents by singing at Treetops’ events.
Amy says counselling also gave her the confidence to process her emotions and prioritise her own wellbeing.
“I think my counselling made me a stronger person. It taught me that to support other people, I had to be in a good place myself. Self-care really helped.”
Looking back, Amy and Becky say the support they received from Treetops helped them through some of the most difficult moments of their lives, both during Steve’s final days and in the months that followed.
Amy said: “Treetops didn’t just support Dad, they supported all of us, and everyone should be able to access that kind of support.
“The nurses gave us reassurance and the counselling afterwards helped us find ways to cope with our grief and move forward. We will always be grateful for that.”
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